Divorce Shadow

The shortcut to understanding Jung's concept of shadow is anything I hide, repress or deny. I saved this New Yorker cartoon without thinking. As with most things that I do without thinking... THERE'S A REASON FOR IT! The reason is that I've been keeping my sadness around my divorce safely tucked away so it would be invisible to myself and the world. Did I already mention, hide, repress and deny?

I hid my sadness to stay safe and to appear strong to myself and others. It served me well by keeping me employed and alive. There is little room in society or business for someone who is perpetually unable to function because of sadness. The problem with many coping mechanisms is that they can turn from useful tool to debilitating shadow when their usefulness expires.

That's what happed with my divorce sadness. After I no longer needed to 'tuck away (repress) my sadness' to function, I continued to hide it. Now it likes to surprise me from time to time. It seems to enjoy hiding behind trees and walloping me upside the head as I stroll by. Then it giggles and runs away while I reach for my big assed bottle of ibuprofen.

How do I deal with a shadow? My first step is to name it: "I know you, you're my Divorce Grief." Naming a shadow takes away some of it's power. The next step is harder. To keep a shadow from walloping me, I must drag it forcibly into the light of day, the light of my awareness. If I'm aware of something, I can make conscious decisions around it. The best way that I know to keep a shadow in the spotlight is to talk about it. If it's not a SECRET to others, it's not a SECRET to me!

Happy shadow hunting!

Tuesday Blog Meat

The Daily Saint has a cool post on how to easily live a more spiritual life.

I've been meaning to read this post on Freelance Switch about Freelance Accounting for quite awhile. Now that I have, I'm happy to report that I already do most of these.

Teenage Angst

I'm the parent of a delightful 14 year old young woman. The good news is that she talks to me. She still tells her dad the important things in her life. It's amazing! The bad news is that these things are often very negative. Sometimes it bums me out and I just can't take it anymore.

This happened again this morning. I drove her to the bus stop and waited with her. It gave us about 10 minutes to talk. I got to hear about how crappy school is, how people mistreat her, and how the best part of the day is going home. My answer to the blessing of her sharing her life with me? Shaming messages about how she should be more positive! My fear is that if I continue this behavior, she may stop sharing her life with me.

What I want, and hold on it's not healthy, is to have it both ways! I want a daughter who shares with me AND I want her to be like me, trying really hard to be positive!

With that said, my parenting work is to welcome her connection and EVERYTHING that comes with it. My vow is that when I take on negative messages, to examine why I'm taking them on instead of telling her to stop.